‘Wherever they’re at, I’m there’: One woman’s work to support kids impacted by gun violence

Bernice Grisby was 9 the primary time she was shot.

She was enjoying on the swings at Sobrante Park when gunfire rang out.

“I assumed nothing of it. We heard that noise on a regular basis,” stated Grisby, who lived on Catron Drive in deep East Oakland.

Feeling ache and wetness on her left arm, she appeared right down to see blood dripping down her wrist. She ran house to her mom, who referred to as 911, and was pushed to Alameda Hospital. Docs eliminated shrapnel from her arm and advised her that if her arm hadn’t been gripping the swing, the bullet fragments may need gone by means of her head.

“There have been different youngsters on the playground, however I used to be the one one who obtained shot,” stated Grisby, now 37. “My arm principally saved my life.” Oakland police, she stated, by no means discovered the shooter.

That wasn’t her solely brush with violence. At 15, Grisby was shot once more — this time within the hip — whereas hanging out with associates at Bancroft Avenue. The harm left her with a hip bone deformity and power ache that makes strolling, sitting, and standing troublesome.

By her mid-20s, Grisby had skilled homelessness (between sixth grade and her sophomore yr of highschool), misplaced her mom to issues associated to alcoholism, and misplaced her daughter’s father to gun violence.

These experiences, she stated, drove her to assist youth going through comparable struggles. Since 2015, Grisby has labored with a whole bunch of Oakland teenagers by means of her work on the East Bay Asian Youth Center, or EBAYC. She began as a volunteer, then grew to become an instructional mentor and a household advocate, and is now a life coach.

In her present position, Grisby builds relationships with youth concerned in gangs or impacted by gun violence and supplies wrap-around assist. That may appear to be serving to mediate troublesome household relationships or delivering groceries and clothes.

“I present up for them at courtroom, I present up at their faculties, I present up at their homes, I present up at their associates’ homes,” she stated. “Wherever they’re at, I’m there.”

EBAYC was first launched to serve Southeast Asian youth within the juvenile justice system

EBAYC started in 1976 in Berkeley as a drop-in heart for Chinese language, Japanese, and Filipino American youth. After the Vietnam Struggle and the Cambodian genocide, waves of Southeast Asian households sought refuge in U.S. cities like Oakland. A lot of their youngsters, coping with trauma and displacement, joined gangs for belonging, usually turning into each victims and perpetrators of violence.

“Although they result in harmful lives, gangs exist for survival and financial [reasons],” stated Gianna Tran, EBAYC’s deputy govt director. Tran advised The Oaklandside that when she began working at EBAYC as a counselor in 1990, all her shoppers have been Southeast Asian youth within the prison justice system.

In the present day, the group serves younger individuals of all races. Primarily based in Oakland’s San Antonio neighborhood, with one other workplace in Sacramento, EBAYC supplies life teaching companies to greater than 150 justice-involved youth in Oakland and over 40 in Sacramento every year. Its Oakland workplace is on East twelfth Road, roughly 4 blocks away from Garfield Elementary Faculty.

Grisby, certainly one of EBAYC’s 9 life coaches, primarily works with youth who’ve been concerned in gangs or survived industrial sexual exploitation. They affectionately name her “Ms. B.”

EBAYC life coaches serve as much as 15 youth at a time. Every consumer’s case usually lasts six months however could be prolonged, relying on the younger particular person’s wants.

Based on its 2023–2024 annual report, EBAYC served greater than 3,400 youth final yr throughout its Oakland and Sacramento places. Of these youth, 36% have been Latino, 26% Asian, and 22% Black.

The nonprofit partners with eight OUSD schools to supply after-school and summer season applications, management coaching, and power absenteeism intervention. EBAYC additionally collaborates with the Alameda County Juvenile Justice Heart, the District Lawyer’s Workplace, and Oakland’s Division of Violence Prevention.

From navigating grief to discovering objective

The youngest of many siblings, Grisby remembers being glued to her mom’s aspect as a toddler. Her mom, an Alameda County sheriff’s deputy, would typically take her to the workplace.

“Then my mother ended up assembly a man,” Grisby stated. “And that shifted her complete life.”

At age 5, Grisby witnessed the person beat her mom. Years later, she discovered he was coping with substance abuse and would steal meals from their freezer, promote it, and use the cash to purchase extra medicine.

“My mother advised me that was why we didn’t have meals,” she stated.

The connection continued till, Grisby stated, the person almost killed her mom: stabbing her, taking pictures her, and slashing her throat. Miraculously, her mom survived, however she started consuming to deal with the trauma. Although she ultimately stopped, the injury to her physique was irreversible. In 2006, she died at age 57. Grisby was 19.

Most of her siblings had moved away or have been estranged from Grisby and their mom, so Grisby took it upon herself to rearrange — and pay for — her mom’s funeral. The funeral house advised her she had two weeks to provide you with $7,000.

On high of her full-time job at Sears, she would place donation jars, emblazoned along with her mom’s face, inside companies the place her mom frequented. Earlier than live shows (she was a rapper with Youth Movement Records, an Oakland-based nonprofit and youth improvement group that might carry out throughout the nation), she would inform the viewers about her state of affairs and move round buckets to gather donations.

Daily, she’d collect the money from these jars and buckets and drop them off on the West Oakland funeral house. “They noticed my effort, they usually have been like, ‘There’s nobody else right here that will help you?’ I’m like, ‘No, I can’t wait for somebody to come back assist, so I’ve obtained to do what I can,’” Grisby recalled.

The next yr — on her late mom’s birthday — Grisby and her then-boyfriend came upon she was pregnant. She gave delivery to her first daughter in early 2008.

“Earlier than, it was simply me, my boyfriend, and his household … I didn’t really feel like I belonged anyplace. I didn’t really feel like I had a objective,” she stated. “My daughter gave me objective.”

Grisby and her boyfriend separated three years later, however they maintained an amicable relationship for his or her daughter. One evening in 2015, she discovered that her ex-boyfriend was shot and killed in Pittsburg, roughly 30 miles north of Oakland. He was 28.

“Telling our daughter was one of many hardest conversations I’ve ever had,” stated Grisby.

Within the aftermath of her ex-boyfriend’s demise, she started volunteering at EBAYC. She first discovered concerning the nonprofit by means of Manzanita Group Faculty, the place her daughter was a scholar. She progressively took on extra tasks, filling in for employees once they have been sick or out of city. (Along with volunteering at EBAYC and elevating her daughter, Grisby was additionally a retailer supervisor at Claire’s and was finding out early childhood improvement at Alameda School.)

In 2016, EBAYC employed Grisby as an instructional mentor, primarily an after-school program instructor. She created her personal curriculum and helped college students with their studying and math assignments.

A yr later, she grew to become a household advocate and attendance case supervisor, which entailed working with college students combating power absenteeism and serving to them deal with the basis causes. “More often than not, I’d discover out a few of them have been homeless or staying in shelters. Some didn’t have transportation. Some didn’t need to go to highschool as a result of they have been being bullied, as a result of they didn’t have clear garments,” she stated.

Some college students averted college as a result of that they had a studying incapacity. “They’d inform me, ‘Ms. B, have you learnt how embarrassing it’s to ask somebody to learn you one thing, and you continue to don’t perceive what they’re studying?’” she stated. “They’re battling quite a bit that we don’t even see, they usually’re attempting to masks it as a result of they don’t know tips on how to deal with their feelings.”

Round this time, Grisby gave delivery to her second daughter. She didn’t have to fret about childcare, she stated, as a result of EBAYC employees would take care of her daughters when she needed to work or attend lessons in Alameda. When she was pregnant, her supervisor would even purchase her fruit cups from the close by elotero.

“EBAYC is, for me, the dream job as a result of I by no means needed to fear about how I used to be gonna work and deal with my household. They’ve all the time given me that flexibility,” she stated.

Between 2020 and 2022, she taught life abilities lessons at Dewey Academy and co-directed Garfield Elementary’s after-school program. Even when lessons have been distant in the course of the COVID-19 pandemic, she and her crew would ship college provides and meals to college students’ houses.

‘I nonetheless see that little one in them’

In 2022, she landed her present place as a life coach with EBAYC’s Road Staff, which focuses on youth within the prison justice system and survivors of sexual exploitation.

“That was my final aim: being a part of Road Staff,” Grisby stated. “Some are closely impacted by gangs, by the streets, however I nonetheless see that little one in them.”

Grisby believes she’s in a position to efficiently join along with her shoppers due to her lived experiences, no-nonsense method, and witty humorousness. A lot of her shoppers have had different life coaches however say she’s the primary particular person they’ve opened as much as. Moreover, since she grew up in Oakland and Alameda, Grisby typically is aware of her shoppers’ relations from college or by means of mutual associates, serving to her set up credibility with the youth.

Grisby additionally likes to interrupt bread along with her youth. When she visits her shoppers and their households at their houses, she is going to usually convey donuts or different snacks.

“I inform my youth I’m genuinely right here to assist and assist. I’m not simply right here for a verify,” she stated. “I’m right here as a result of I understand how it feels to not have sure issues, or to not have somebody in your nook, or to be homeless. I’m in a position to relate and navigate them by means of these conditions.”

Considered one of Grisby’s first shoppers was a 15-year-old lady who had been sexually exploited alongside Worldwide Boulevard and was held captive by her exploiter. The lady’s father died when she was a toddler, and her mom was coping with drug habit. After being out and in of juvenile corridor, the lady lived along with her grandparents.

Once they first met, the 15-year-old appeared skeptical, even standoffish, in line with Grisby. She had tattoos on her face and wore an ankle monitor. However over time, they grew shut, and the lady’s belief in her deepened. She would even name Grisby out of the blue simply to verify in on her.

“This younger woman referred to as me day-after-day,” Grisby recalled, smiling. “I’d get texts like, ‘Good morning, Ms. B, I hope you have got a great day.’ And I’m like, lady, it’s 7 a.m. and I ain’t even clocked in but!”

The teenager additionally participated in EBAYC’s four-week summer season program, which supplies life abilities coaching and group service alternatives for younger individuals on probation. The summer season program consists of “out of doors adventures” for the youth, together with a scavenger hunt at UC Berkeley (it was usually their first time on a school campus, in line with Grisby) and a day on the Oakland Zoo.

On the finish of this system, each participant receives an “incentive verify” based mostly on their attendance. In the event that they miss at some point of programming, $50 is deducted from their pay.

When the lady obtained her incentive verify, Grisby stated, she began to cry.

“She was like, ‘I’ve by no means seen my identify on something, not to mention a verify,’” Grisby recalled. The lady didn’t have an ID or her personal Social Safety card, in line with Grisby, and she or he by no means noticed a cent from her time being sexually exploited. “She was simply ecstatic.”

Now 19, Grisby’s former consumer is incarcerated. However she typically calls Grisby from jail to thank her for her steering and compassion throughout these years.

“One time, she referred to as me saying, ‘You’ve all the time stored it 100 with me, and that’s what I recognize … Although I’m on this place, I’d reasonably be right here than useless,’” Grisby stated.

At the same time as a life coach, Grisby is not any stranger to loss. Final summer season, she knew seven youth who died of gun violence. “It was nobody on my caseload, nevertheless it nonetheless hit me exhausting as a result of I both labored with them in a earlier job, or they have been my coworkers’ shoppers,” she stated.

To decompress after work, Grisby units boundaries and takes her self-care routine significantly. As soon as she’s again house from work, she tries to restrict display time, solely responding to individuals if there’s an emergency. She just lately obtained into gardening, commonly sees a therapist, and spends loads of time along with her daughters.

Her mantra: “Don’t take it private, don’t take it to coronary heart, and don’t take it house.”

“I let my youth know that I’m not a superhero — I’m human, too, and there are some days after I’ll have to take a step again,” she stated. “I can’t present up 100% for them if I’m not 100% myself.”

On high of her job at EBAYC, Grisby is working to turn into an authorized worldwide life coach, which might enable her to assist younger individuals everywhere in the world. Grisby graduates from that program this summer season. She additionally coaches the women’ volleyball crew at Fremont Excessive Faculty.

Most significantly, she stated, she’s a mom of two daughters. Her youthful daughter, who just lately turned 8, is, in Grisby’s phrases, “the last word diva.” (When she spoke with The Oaklandside, she had simply wrapped up a three-day celebration for her youthful daughter.) And her older daughter, who graduated from highschool this yr, obtained full-ride scholarships to 3 universities.

“I can say, actually, I did a hell of a job,” Grisby stated. “I’ve been in my feelings the previous couple of months as a result of I’m like, I did it. And it’s simply me.”

One of the frequent misconceptions she encounters in her job is that the youth she works with are “dangerous,” or that there’s “no hope for them” due to their upbringing.

“Individuals routinely assume, ‘Oh no, right here comes hassle,’ reasonably than seeing them as somebody who wants additional love and assist,” she stated. “Give these youth an opportunity. There’s all the time one thing deeper than what you’ll be able to see.”

This story has been corrected to replicate Grisby’s ex-boyfriend’s age when he was shot and killed.